--
He did B.Com marketing
she did B.Sc
he specialised in branding
she, in forestry
He loved her legs, at first
she loved his hair and chin
he kissed her drunk on vodka
(she was drunk on gin)
He took her back to his bedsit
(his roommate understood)
he rummaged for her private bits
she groped for his manhood
It was over very quickly
comatose, he slept
she felt she should be happy
but lay awake and wept
They radiated happiness
at parties and in malls
he wore tight pink golf shirts
and pants that showed his balls
She was neater, more discreet
yet took the utmost care
to pamper her French manicure
her dyed and straightened hair
He slept with other girls, of course
a thorough Jack-the-lad; yet
felt no more than three years old
around his girlfriend's dad
She would never, ever cheat
though loved to sit on knees
and bat her heavy eyelashes
play innocent (hint at sleaze)
Oh, what blonde magnificence!
What diesel-trousered joy!
Oh what boob-tubed brilliance!
a perfect girl and boy!
She graduated cum laude
he didn't (rugby first)
He spent a lot of time in pub
attending to his thirst
She parted ways with forestry
(finding well paid jobs was tough)
so was hired by a health shop
She said: It's close enough
She found out of his cheating
but kept him nonetheless
She chose instead to undereat
and then to overdress
Meanwhile, he'd hurt his knee
while chasing down the dream
life without an oval ball?
unthinkable it seemed!
Suddenly, she wondered why
she'd liked him all that much
Losing hair and gaining weight
and hobbling on a crutch
He dropped out of university
considered London for a time
there was always Australasia:
South Africa without the crime
Marry me , he said one night;
it sounded like an order
diamonds were this girl's best friend
(yes, in a way, he bought her)
They found a two-bed townhouse
and called each other babes
he knocked her up one time boet
they flipped through baby names
Gary, Derek, Charl and Chad
Pippa, Paris, Mary-Kate
or something spiritual, my babes,
like Anastasia or Fate!
How about we mix them up?
he said no hint of irony
So Dad and Mom combined to bring
the world their baby Briony
Things got shit, he lost his job
he blamed affirmative blacktion
they're getting their revenge my babes
they're stealing back the nation
Eventually, he had to stoop
to asking Dad-in-law
to teach him all about his world;
a world of tiles and flooring
She quit her job, though grimaced
when she heard the word housewife
She soon forgot her lofty dreams
but such, she said, was life
She kept a foot in forestry
or rather kept an eye
on news of dying rainforests:
it sometimes made her cry
When elections came around
They voted with their feet
Perth was hecticly dull at first
But the weather fucking schweet
Sure, they missed SA at times
Ratunga Junction; Blue Route Mall
and their favourite locals
Mr. Delivery, Mrs. Balls
Briony went to the liberal school
and learnt all about integration
she most enjoyed the day trips
to the aboriginal reservation
She told her folks about the trip:
It's tragic, don't you think?
They're just like ours, my darling:
They just watch porn and drink
Briony got a Chinese boyfriend
with a very Chinese name
her parents hated Yat-Pan
she loved him all the same
I'm sorry, chicken, but listen:
It's us or whatsisname
We want you to be happy, sure
just tell us it's a phase
Yat Pan proposed; Briony melted
We've got nothing to lose
Her mother cried alone that night
when told the happy news
Briony fled one warm spring night
She left a note that read:
I'll keep you in my heart forever,
but not inside my head
Jesus fucking christ, that chink
has stolen her, the cunt
I should have known the slitty eye
would pull this sort of stunt
Come now, darling, calm yourself
try not to get annoyed
you've done your job, and anyway:
you're still my Golden Boy.
Words by Matthew Freemantle
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