Save This Script, Episode 2

Save This Script, Episode 2

Mark Suszko November 27, 2022

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Great videos start with great scripts. What you're going to present to your audience should speak to them in a language they can connect with. Writing a PSA to get kids up and moving? Don't say, Calisthenics are fun! Watch John and Mark transform this script into one that a kid would actually listen to and take notes for your own script-writing. Join John Morley and Mark Suszko in this second episode as they Save This Script!

Great videos start with a great script.

Sometimes, the scripts are not so great.

We're script doctors; come, watch us operate.

In each installment of this series, a writer/producer team is confronted with a creative challenge. The scenario, written in screenplay format, revolves around a typical client management situation that can lead to a problem script.

The problem script itself can then be read; followed by some back-and-forth as the creative team rises to the challenge.

Each installment ends with the finished makeover script being pitched to the client. Brief commentary then further explores the strategies and insights that drove the script make-over.

FADE IN: INT. COUNTY HEALTH DEPARTMENT, PRESIDENTS OFFICE -- DAY President of the county health department, RANDALL, sits across his desk from MARK, who is a principal in Glendower Productions, and sits taking notes. RANDALL The national campaign is providing a budget to develop our own communications, and we want to run a PSA. MARK Does the money come with any guidelines or restrictions? RANDALL Just to support the goal of reducing obesity and improving the health of our kids. MARK Any central theme or positioning language from them? RANDALL We have to use their slogan: Be fit. Dont quit. MARK And they want some local angle? RANDALL Yes, and Ive got it. You know that this countys softball crazy. MARK Sure, I go to the games myself. RANDALL So you know the name Delbert Yazmanski? MARK I win bar bets cause I can even spell it. RANDALL Well, weve GOT him! Hell say anything we want and we can video tape him anywhere we want. MARK Great! And you have clearance for him to be on screen in his Warriors uniform? RANDALL Um... well... The leagues going through some... reorganization. He may not be in a Warriors uniform by the time our PSA gets on the TV. But hes a local boy, so the kids are going to know him as a hero wherever hes playing. MARK Hm, well... A blank slate can be a good thing... sometimes. So, would you like a proposal for both the print and TV work? Its more effective when the campaigns are unified.... RANDALL Our regular ad agency is doing the print. MARK Anything provided by your ad agency, or your national office? A consistent message is stronger. RANDALL (THINKS A MINUTE) Well, national sent a bunch of free video clips of kids riding bikes and just goofing off outdoors, but really, Delberts the way to go, hes a winner and he wants the kids to be winners. MARK Hm. So, has Delbert weighed in on what he wants to say? RANDALL No, but the ad agency sketched out what you might have him say. RANDALL hands MARK a printed page, and Mark begins to scan. (DISSOLVE TO THE AD AGENCYS SCRIPT) INITIAL SCRIPT

(DELBERT): Hi. I'm Delbert Yazmanski, the softball star. I play outfield. When I get up every day, I think about how great it is to practice my skills and work out with a routine of calisthenics. You should, too. It's good for you and it is F U N, FUN! Take it from ME! Gym class is just as important as your other school work, and a healthy body and a healthy mind are a great winning combination. There is no magic potion that makes you a great ball player like me, just hard work, every day. So stay in school and stay FIT in school, because you never know when you might get to become a professional sports player, just like me. So stay fit, and don't quit!

INT. GLENDOWER OFFICE -- DAY Mark, and another company principal, JOHN, are reviewing the client-provided script. JOHN When the words calisthenics are fun pass his lips, credibility with this audience is just gone. MARK Too many words ... smothered in clich sauce. And this winning team thing is just tired. JOHN Even more basic; they said the audience is the couch potato kids. MARK And wouldnt they love to be on a winning team for a change? JOHN These are the last kids to get to picked for any game on the playground. Any association they have with actually playing sports is probably negative. MARK Well... the stuff from their national office isnt classic sports either. Its really Randalls vision of how to use the player thats driving the approach. JOHN Youve got a clue there, in the stuff from the national office. Thinks for a beat, nods MARK Right. Their message isnt: hit a homer, its just to get off your butt and do anything thats not sitting in front of some screen all day. JOHN So its low effort and high fun. Who wouldnt love that? MARK (Frowning) Our client, who expects this to all be wrapped around his big shot ball player. They stare into space. JOHN Ball players like having fun too. MARK And that means...? JOHN Youll just have to read my script. MARK Whatever, just have a rewrite ready for us to pitch in our next meeting and... JOHN Budget is an issue. Yeah; yeah. INT. COUNTY HEALTH DEPARTMENT, PRESIDENTS OFFICE -- DAY Randall sits across his desk from John and Mark, who are well into their pitch. JOHN What specific examples has your national office given of what kids can do to stay fit? RANDALL They talk a lot about just walking, or throwing a Frisbee, or just playing on the swings. Stuff like that. JOHN
So the focus isnt so much on organized sports, but on being active. RANDALL But weve got Delbert, and the kids love him... MARK No question, everybody loves Delbert. Its still about Delbert. JOHN
At the same time, is the o

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