Prison journalism: I'm a Father Serving Life in a California PrisonI hope my son does not fall victim to our generational curse.
by Prison Journalism Project
29-11-2023 15:17
in Prison Journalism
Prison
Image via Unsplash
Andrew's birth was complicated. His mother had to be very strong while doctors used a vacuum to extract him. When my son was finally born, he weighed 11 pounds, 7 ounces.
--
It was a beautiful day. I looked at him; he looked back. Andrew shared my face, and he was gorgeous. I remember crying and promising him that I would be a good dad, that I would be present no matter what.
A life sentence soured those promises. I have only seen my now-14-year-old son three times. Locked up in a California prison six hours away from my son, I still resolve to be a good dad in spite of the challenges.
But what does it mean to be a good father? It has been difficult being a father from prison. When I first came here, I didn't have access to the technology I have now. I was only given one call a month, and building a relationship with my son using the little tools I had was hard. I used to write my son many letters, offering up advice. But this doesn't replicate being there in person.
--
Earlier this year, I got more access to placing calls and sending messages through a state-provided tablet. I'm trying to overcome new challenges because my son is now a teenager and always busy with school. The new tablets have helped a little. For a while, we had constant communication, but then life circumstances separated us again. Despite the obstacles, my son, who splits his time between his grandparents and mother, is doing well, and for that I am grateful.
When my son was born, I felt I was the best dad I could be. I worked and took care of my family. I would tickle him and tell him, You are my son. I held him and carried him gently in the air, and at night, when he cried, I would wake up to hold him and give him his bottle. When he felt sick, I was the first to take him to the doctor. I wanted him to be happy.
Being a good dad is about being present during good and bad times. It means helping with homework, listening and treating my son with respect. Children should not lack. Fathers are key to children becoming good and productive members of society.
--
Being a good father also means improving myself so my child can someday feel proud of me.
I don't have many memories of my own father, Sim n. He was a tall, handsome man with curly hair; he was full of life. He was a fisherman, a hard worker, good at business, and a kind person. The fishing trips he took me on when I was little were the happiest days I spent with him.
Yet I also have a few memories of his severe punishments and excessive discipline. Even after all these years, I am not ready to talk about these memories openly.
When I was 7, my father drove away one afternoon and died in a car crash after drinking. He paid the price for his constant partying.
Today, I still feel resentment towards my father. His death caused a severe crisis for my mother and sisters, and I had to grow up fast while still a child. My family suffered through poverty and other hardships; my mother died from complications with tuberculosis.
I see the lingering effects that my dad's sudden death brought upon my family. We lost the care and guidance of a father. Who knows what would have happened for me had he stayed alive?
In a tragic twist of irony, I followed in my father's footsteps, suddenly disappearing from my son's life when I got locked up behind bars.
In 2010, I was indirectly involved in a crime where one person was killed and another person was injured. I was found guilty of this crime and sentenced to life without parole. For this I am remorseful and I have paid the price of not being part of my son's life.
I wanted to be that loving father that I did not have. I planned to be strict with my son, but also reasonable, unlike my father. I wanted to be with my son in his triumphs and when he needed my help.
I would love to visit my son one day, and I imagine by then that he will have his own family. I would like the opportunity to get to know them and recover some of our lost time. I hope we can eat together at a restaurant, and I can talk to him about the circumstances that twisted my path.
Or, if I am still in prison, I hope he will continue to visit me. The visits I've had with my son have not been as regular as I would like. But I understand the reality of things. It is very difficult for those who care for my son to bring him to see me. It's six hours on the road to get here, and six hours back.
I imagine that it must be very hard for him to understand this whole process, and that's why I give him his space. I think that the day he is ready, he will know that I tried as best I could considering my circumstances, without giving up. There's not much you can do when you are trapped.
If I ever get out of prison, I hope I can earn a place in his life. And I hope that together we will break the generational curse that I was unable to break on my own.
Written by Sans n Andrade for The Prison Journalism Project
Should you wish to assist in the rehabilitation of former inmates and help put money into the pockets of those who have struggled to earn a living during and after incarceration, click HERE
Do you have any question you would like to ask our prison journalists, WhatsApp us on 060 011 0211
Do you have contact with a prison inmate who would like to write for The South African website?
If so, send an email to info@thesouthafrican.com or a WhatsApp to 060 011 0211
You can also follow @TheSAnews on Twitter and The South African on Facebook to get the latest prisoner journalism articles.
WIN R250 per day with our Christmas Advent Calendar competit
Africa Stories
09/04/2025
The National Film and Video Foundation (NFVF) is pleased to announce that the ca...
08/04/2025
We are pleased to announce the appointment of Mr. Vincent Blennies as Chief Exec...
04/04/2025
The National Film and Video Foundation (NFVF) invites final-year animation students to submit character designs inspired by lead characters from any South Afric...
14/03/2025
The National Film and Video Foundation (NFVF) is pleased to announce that the ca...
01/03/2025
Antis pticos Orales: Revisi n De La Literatura Y Perspectiva Actual Influenza son contradictorios, dadas las elevadas tasas de curaci n espont nea. De ser neces...
28/02/2025
The Future of Green Energy: Challenges and Prospects Green energy, also known as renewable energy, has emerged as a critical solution to global energy challenge...
27/02/2025
Beginner Coding in Python: Building the Simplest AI Chat Companion Possible
AI-powered Personal VoiceBot for Language Learning by Gamze Zorlubas
You can ear...
24/12/2024
The National Film and Video Foundation (NFVF) is calling for applications from South African film and television filmmakers to be part of the NFVF's delegat...
06/12/2024
The National Film and Video Foundation (NFVF) is pleased to announce that the cl...
30/11/2024
The National Film and Video Foundation (NFVF) is pleased to announce that the ca...
16/11/2024
The National Film and Video Foundation, an agency of the Department of Sport, Ar...
16/11/2024
The National Film and Video Foundation (NFVF) invites emerging female producers ...
16/11/2024
The National Film and Video Foundation (NFVF) invites current masters students t...
30/10/2024
Johannesburg, 26 October 2024 - The 18th Annual South African Film and Televisio...
30/10/2024
BEST ACHIEVEMENT IN SOUND DOCUMENTARY
!Aitsa
Practitioner: Simon Kohler
Production House: MED CINE
BEST ACHIEVEMENT IN EDITING DOCUMENTARY
Rise: The Si...
24/10/2024
In accordance with Section 6 (2) (c) of the National Film and Video Foundation A...
19/10/2024
The National Film and Video Foundation (NFVF) invites postgraduate students to s...
15/10/2024
The National Film and Video Foundation (herein referred to as NFVF) is a statutory body set up by the government to grow and develop the South African Film and ...
11/10/2024
10 October 2024 Johannesburg, South Africa - The National Film and Video Found...
09/10/2024
Sportel stand number: Ravel Hall G06/07 After a summer filled with intense sport emotions in Paris, France and beyond, Globecast will be happy to welcome you...
04/10/2024
SAFTAs 18 Announces Date and Theme: Honouring Excellence in South African Film and Television with the theme Back to Basics . Johannesburg, South Africa Wedn...
04/10/2024
Johannesburg, South Africa Wednesday, 2 October 2024 The South African Film ...
01/10/2024
Johannesburg, South Africa - Monday, 30 September 2024 - The National Film and Video Foundation (NFVF), an agency of the Department of Sport, Arts and Culture (...
24/09/2024
Every little girl out there who has felt different because they are not what soc...
09/09/2024
The National Film and Video Foundation (herein referred to as NFVF) is a statutory body set up by the government to grow and develop the South African Film and ...
06/09/2024
Johannesburg, 05 September 2024 - The National Film and Video Foundation (NFVF),...
09/08/2024
Johannesburg, 8 August 2024 - It is with profound sadness that the National Film...
01/08/2024
Globecast to Showcase the Broadcast Industry's Most Advanced Connectivity and Hybrid Cloud Solutions at IBC 2024
PARIS, 1 August 2024 Globecast, the lead...
16/07/2024
The National Film and Video Foundation (NFVF), an agency of the Department of Sp...
13/07/2024
The National Film and Video Foundation (NFVF), an agency of the Department of Sp...
09/07/2024
The NFVF, an agency of the Department of Sport, Arts and Culture that is created...
02/07/2024
Arabsat, ASBU and Globecast are commemorating 20 years with a renewed multi-year deal for Global Arabic Bouquet (GAB) services, providing a wide range of DTH di...
11/06/2024
Tuesday 11 June 2024, Johannesburg. The National Film and Video Foundation (NFVF...
31/05/2024
The National Film and Video Foundation (NFVF), the custodians of the South African Film and Television Awards (SAFTAs), has learned of the allegations of ill-tr...
22/05/2024
Judge blocks auction of Elvis Presley's Graceland estateA judge in Tennessee has temporarily halted a foreclosure sale of Graceland, the historic home of El...
22/05/2024
Skeem Saam: Wednesday's episode, 22 May 2024 [video]Missed an episode of Skeem Saam? No problem! Watch the latest episode of your favourite South African so...
22/05/2024
Tonight's Scandal: Jojo draws a line in the sand and Phaka must make a decis...
22/05/2024
Tonight on House of Zwide: A costly request from Adani and Keletso, breaking the...
22/05/2024
Tonight on Smoke and Mirrors: Dikeledi's death at the hands of Mthetho leave...
22/05/2024
Skeem Saam: Tuesday's episode, 21 May 2024 [video]Missed an episode of Skeem Saam? No problem! Watch the latest episode of your favourite South African soap...
22/05/2024
Shaka ILembe': Mzansi Magic denies food poisoning incident, confirms deathMzansi Magic has responded following reports that two Shaka ILembe' season tw...
22/05/2024
Bridgerton's third season sizzles with record-breaking viewership Bridgerton' Season 3 Part 1 shattered records with a staggering 45.1 million views wit...
22/05/2024
Tonight on Skeem Saam: The Maputlas find out about Ntswaki's liesDon't miss Wednesday, 22 May's riveting episode of South African soapie Skeem Saam ...
21/05/2024
WATCH: Tonight's Scandal teaser - 21 May 2024Don't miss Tuesday, 21 May's riveting episode of South African soapie Scandal! on e.tv on DStv channel ...
21/05/2024
Tonight on Skeem Saam: Sthoko and Babeile's reunion puzzles and shatters the...
21/05/2024
Tonight on House of Zwide: Soka is forced to lie after Mampho catches him prepar...
21/05/2024
Skeem Saam: Monday's episode, 20 May 2024 [video]Missed an episode of Skeem Saam? No problem! Watch the latest episode of your favourite South African soapi...
21/05/2024
Popular children's TV shows you may have forgottenSouth African television channels have entertained us over the years. Here is looking back at some popular...
21/05/2024
Actor Dumisani Dlamini discusses his role in Isitha: The Enemy'Legendary actor Dumisani Dlamini has landed the character of Nsimbi in e.tv's popular te...
Prison journalism: I'm a Father Serving Life in a California PrisonI hope my son does not fall victim to our generational curse.
