Prison Journalism: The Brother I Couldn't KeepRest in peace to a friend who struggled deeply with addiction.
by Prison Journalism Project
25-04-2023 09:52
in Prison Journalism
Independent Journalism by the Incarcerated Image: Pixabay
Prison Journalism Project trains incarcerated writers to become journalists and publishes their stories. Subscribe to Inside Story to receive exclusive behind-the-scene looks at our best stories, as well as author profiles and other insights.
--
This morning I went to the school building where I work and learned that Rob, an associate and brother in the struggle, was found unresponsive in his cell. He was later pronounced dead of unknown causes.
Rob and I arrived at Five Points Correctional Facility in the summer of 2013. With shaved heads and faces, we both had little or nothing in our property bags. We carried with us the heavy baggage of drug addiction and the history of institutions and prisons that are part and parcel to that life.
Rob was an Italian guy who wore his short hair slicked back, gleaming with pomade. He was always clean shaven. His prison greens spent days under his mattresses and looked freshly ironed, fitting his slight frame as if he had them tailored. Rob loved to laugh and seemed to have an endless supply of off-color jokes. Rob did a great job of neatly packaging his pain.
--
He, like me, carried the guilt and shame of drug relapse and re-arrest that stem from the need to feed the insatiable beast of addiction. At Five Points, we were both quickly assigned programs. He worked in the receiving room, and I was assigned to the state shop where clothing issues and exchanges took place.
Our stories were similar. Both of us had successes with sobriety, employment and being productive citizens in society. We both experienced the magnitude of trading in that freedom for the fleeting numbness of chemical escape.
ALSO READ: Prison journalism: How to endure the winters of a life sentence
--
Rob sold me my first black market TV. I remember him seeming anxious and not his normal calm, quick-witted self when the exchange took place for three packs of Newports. Drugs were plentiful at Five Points, as they are in most prisons and Rob was getting high in 2013, taking what probably felt like the easy way out of dealing with being back in prison. Being in no position to judge, I said nothing to him about the collective resolve we had made to stay clean. I left him in Five Points in 2016 and was moved to Green Haven.
Part of my work responsibility here at Green Haven is to facilitate orientation for new arrivals at the facility. About four months ago, Rob was sitting in a Monday morning orientation. He looked the same as when I left him at Five Points. I pulled him aside and asked him how he was doing. He told me that he was doing fine. Then I asked him about the drugs and he confessed he was really struggling with his addiction.
We socialized in different orbits here and our occasional encounters around the facility fell into a familiar routine of me asking him about his struggles and having mini on-the-spot Narcotics Anonymous (NA) meetings. Each time I spoke with him, he would tell me his addiction was about the same or worse. One day we were in the yard, and he offered to share a stick of synthetic pot with me. I was offended and stopped talking to him for a while.
One morning I went to breakfast and saw him sitting with the Alcohol, Substance Abuse Treatment (ASAT) group in the mess hall. When I saw him later in the school building, I expressed my hope that he was on the road to recovery.
He explained that he had not actually started the groups. He then expressed his utter despair over his inability to stop using drugs. He shared with me the devastation of his family no longer speaking to him because of his continued use. Since coming to Green Haven, he said he'd spent a couple thousand dollars on drugs and he just wanted to die.
He explained that just the day before, someone on his unit had overdosed, and he thought it was an easy way to go (that guy was revived). I think Rob was sharing his suicide plan with me.
I encouraged him to seek help from mental health services, but he said, I don't want to end up in a stripped cell, naked with a gown on in the looney bin alone and bouncing off the walls. The only reason I haven't killed myself already is I'm afraid I'll go to Hell.
We talked for about 40 minutes. I did most of the listening. I can remember his pained expression and the vacant look in his eyes. I made him promise me that he would go to mental health when he got back to the unit. He promised me he would.
In the course of any day it is possible to encounter a multitude of hurting souls expressing any number of fears, regrets and traumas too numerous to catalog. It is overwhelming and I've become an expert at compartmentalizing my feelings and responses to it all.
That is what I did with Rob on the morning of Nov. 15, 2021.
ALSO READ: Which states in the United States have the death penalty in effect?
During orientation, one of the DVDs that is shown is on suicide prevention. As a human service provider, I also had a host of trainings on suicide prevention. Rob demonstrated all the classic symptoms, but I failed to see them because I was too close, numb to the suffering and too compartmentalized.
Besides being sad at Rob's passing, I'm a little mad at him for leaving me with a crisis of conscience, feeling like I failed to help him when he needed me. There are stupid moral codes in prison that insist I mind my own business. Well, hadn't Rob made his business my business?
I've talked to several of my peers about Rob and my regretful failure to do more than listen. They all tell me I should have told someone in authority. In the same breath they tell me I could have
Most recent headlines
05/01/2027
Worlds first 802.15.4ab-UWB chip verified by Calterah and Rohde & Schwarz to be ...
07/10/2026
Dalet, a leading technology and service provider for media-rich organizations, today announced the latest Long-Term Supported (LTS) release of Dalet Flex. Build...
06/09/2026
June 9 2026, 23:00 (PDT) Dolby and MagentaTV Bring Fans Closer to the FIFA Worl...
19/08/2026
As the cost of IP nears price parity with traditional SDI, Reynolds argues that ...
19/08/2026
A private 5G bubble was chosen instead of traditional broadcast RF for the race ...
19/08/2026
(L-R) Rafael Manuel and Isabel Sicat attend the Filipi ana premiere during the 2026 Sundance Film Festival at The Ray Theatre on January 23, 2026, in Park Cit...
19/08/2026
Studio owners invited to have their say on rates cuts
The Music Producers Guild (MPG) are inviting UK-based studios to take part in an in-depth survey that ...
19/08/2026
Vintage-inspired desktop interface revealed
Harrison's latest hardware offering sees them head into the world of audio interfaces, delivering a 10-in/12...
19/08/2026
Granular effect remains locked to scale and tempo
Described as your dream granular effect , Minimal Audio's latest creation is capable of turning any s...
19/08/2026
First polyphonic SWAM instrument incoming
Audio Modeling's latest physical-modelling orchestral instrument is just around the corner, and is now availab...
19/08/2026
World Cup Games Generate 84 Billion Minutes Across FOX, Fox Sports 1 and NBCU...
19/08/2026
July brought typical peak-holiday drops in viewership, driven primarily by viewers stepping away from screens and a visible decline in reach across both traditi...
19/08/2026
Share
Copy link
Facebook
X
Linkedin
Bluesky
Email...
19/08/2026
Henry joins BCE as the company accelerates its commercial strategy and expands its international presence across the media, broadcast and technology markets. He...
19/08/2026
iWedia, a leading provider of software solutions for connected TV devices, today announced a major milestone in Android platform optimization with the successfu...
19/08/2026
NTP Technology announces that ST 2110-30 audio-over-IP connectivity with AES67 and RAVENNA capabilities is now available for the brand's world-class audio i...
19/08/2026
Net Insight has been selected to provide its Nimbra platform by the service provider Big Blue Marble, formerly ORS Group, as the core media transport solution f...
19/08/2026
LiveU has supported Coventry City FC and several other top-flight UK football clubs through one of their most demanding live production challenges of the year, ...
19/08/2026
Nature Seekers Documentary Shot with Blackmagic URSA Cine 12K LF
Brie Clayton August 18, 2026
0 Comments
Filming endangered turtles required camera...
19/08/2026
Neyrinck Brings D-Control Consoles Back to Life on Apple Silicon with D-Control ...
19/08/2026
Share
Copy link
Facebook
X
Linkedin
Bluesky
Email...
19/08/2026
Share
Copy link
Facebook
X
Linkedin
Bluesky
Email...
19/08/2026
Share
Copy link
Facebook
X
Linkedin
Bluesky
Email...
19/08/2026
Share
Copy link
Facebook
X
Linkedin
Bluesky
Email...
19/08/2026
Share
Copy link
Facebook
X
Linkedin
Bluesky
Email...
19/08/2026
Riedel Communications today announced that Edith Cowan University (ECU) in Perth, Australia, implemented a comprehensive communications infrastructure that brin...
19/08/2026
QuickLink, a leading provider of award-winning video production and remote guest contribution solutions, will spotlight a major leap forward in remote guest con...
19/08/2026
Integrated platform melds media asset management, playout automation and newsroom workflows
EMAM, PlayBox Neo and SNEWS have officially launched Nuvex, a conne...
19/08/2026
Screen Australia releases the Private Investment Toolkit to strengthen screen in...
19/08/2026
Do Aussies truly value local content? Unpacking Screen Currency 2026 with Deirdr...
19/08/2026
There's an early Christmas gift for Bookish fans, as UKTV confirms the re-commission of the hit U&alibi drama, created by and starring Mark Gatiss. Viewers ...
19/08/2026
Wednesday 19 August 2026
Sky gives sports fans the chance to watch multiple liv...
19/08/2026
On Saturday September 5 Katie Taylor will step into the ring for the fight of her life against Flora Pili in front of 80,000 fans in Croke Park. A legendary fig...
18/08/2026
SportStream 2026, a free three-day virtual event, will take place September 15-17. One registration provides access to all three days of live programming and on...
18/08/2026
BeckTV will introduce BeckFlow to the European market at IBC2026, demonstrated on the Providius stand (10.F53).
BeckFlow is a web-based schematic documentation...
18/08/2026
Boland Communications will introduce a SMPTE ST 2110 input option for its 4K monitors at IBC2026, along with a new 55-inch super-narrow bezel display for video ...
18/08/2026
Dolby Laboratories and the Seattle Seahawks have announced a partnership integrating Dolby OptiView into the Seahawks' live streaming coverage, making the S...
18/08/2026
For BMG Executive Producer of Sports Production, Graham Taylor, producing live s...
18/08/2026
TMRW Sports has appointed Rufus Hack as President of Golf, a newly created role in which he will lead the company's golf businesses including TGL presented ...
18/08/2026
SMT will provide race technology for FOX Sports' coverage of the Freedom 250 Grand Prix of Washington, D.C. on August 23, when the NTT INDYCAR SERIES races ...
18/08/2026
The live, YouTube-native roundtables combine fan voices, credentialed reporters,...
18/08/2026
Behind The Mic provides a roundup of recent news regarding on-air talent, includ...
18/08/2026
The industry legend sounds off on replacing the Heat's iconic Medusa score...
18/08/2026
William F. Rasmussen, the sports fan-turned broadcaster and entrepreneur whose out-of-the-box idea of a 24-hour cable sports network, ESPN, changed forever the ...
18/08/2026
DAZN Group has completed its acquisition of ViewLift, a provider of streaming and digital solutions for sports content owners. The acquisition was first announc...
18/08/2026
The American Association of Professional Baseball (AAPB) has added SI TV, Sports Illustrated's 24/7 streaming channel, as a broadcast partner for the remain...
18/08/2026
The Esports Foundation has announced that the inaugural Esports Nations Cup (ENC), originally scheduled for November 2026 in Riyadh, will be postponed to Novemb...
18/08/2026
Diversified has announced a new Global Managed Services Practice, consolidating the company's managed services capabilities into one organization. Rob Mello...
18/08/2026
Appear has completed a proof of concept with Thoroughbred Racing Productions (TRP), demonstrating multi-camera remote live production over bonded 5G cellular an...
Prison Journalism: The Brother I Couldn't KeepRest in peace to a friend who struggled deeply with addiction.
