Prison journalism: While my friends graduated high school, I sat behind barsEntering prison at age 15, my first task was simply to survive. Eighteen years later, I'm learning what it means to be an adult.
by Prison Journalism Project
12-07-2023 17:52
in Prison Journalism
Prison cell. Image: Pixabay
Prison Journalism Project trains incarcerated writers to become journalists and publishes their stories. Subscribe to Inside Story to receive exclusive behind-the-scene looks at our best stories, as well as author profiles and other insights.
--
I came to prison at 15.
Because I was so young, I didn't know who I was when I arrived. I felt insecure about past mistakes, including the crime that sent me here. I hadn't yet done anything meaningful in life, and I didn't fit what a real prisoner should look like.
I did everything I could to mask my insecurities and hold myself together, but these feelings were their own form of prison.
--
The first years of my sentence were spent in a correctional institution for youth offenders. There are roughly 60,000 incarcerated youth under the age of 18 in the U.S., according to the American Civil Liberties Union. Knowing I would be going to an adult prison afterward, I bulked up. I worked out like crazy to make up for the fact that I couldn't make a convincing mean face if my life depended on it. I learned the habits of hypermasculinity, like how to eat a banana by breaking it into pieces first so that no creep could sexualize it.
ALSO READ: Prison Journalism: My reality
I was immature, so I tried to fit in with all groups. I'd talk about money with bank robbers, drugs with addicts, smuggling with cartel members. I'd leave a conversation with a white supremacist to talk politics with a member of the Nation of Islam.
--
Some of this behavior was because I was interested in other people. Some of it was because I didn't want to feel left out. Some of it was because I was afraid of being alone in a dangerous environment. In prison, guys who didn't fit in and didn't have a lot of friends were often targeted.
I was small with childish features and glasses. I had at least 25 years to do, and I didn't want that to be how my life was defined on the inside.
I read a lot, and learned a little about many things. I got a tutoring job in the prison GED program even though I was still young enough to be in high school. Teaching guys from all walks of life helped me relate to others.
For a while, my time in prison was easier.
ALSO READ: Prison Journalism: Life in Pollsmoor prison for the first time
Bloods stood up for me. Crips tried to recruit me. Skinheads liked me. Latin Kings had my back. Religious groups tried to convert me.
I never joined any of them. I got along with nearly everybody, but I still had no clue who I wanted to be. I spent my first years in prison learning to survive, without a future I could see.
MISSING OUT ON GROWING UP It's hard to know who you are when you want to escape both your past and your present. It's like being lost in the woods at dusk, with no map and a thousand miles to cover.
Meanwhile, everything outside prison was changing.
My high school class graduated three years after I was locked up. The few friends who had written to me moved on as they went off to college. Smartphones allowed everyone outside to always be connected.
Loved ones passed away. Guys I knew on the inside left prison. Then they came back. All the while, I stayed in one place.
I lived in the moment, got lost in days and years, lost in the stories, lives and dramas of the people around me.
ALSO READ: Prison journalism: I am a total jigsaw puzzle
The old memories were the sharpest. Those memories stuck with me because they were a part of my formation as an autonomous individual while my identity was churning in the mixer.
I still remember the names of my first five cellies' girlfriends back in 2006. I remember the prison friends I made as a teenager better than almost anyone else I've come to know in prison in the 14 years since.
I was insecure back then. I had done nothing with my life before prison. I had never lived by myself, gotten a driver's license, had a serious girlfriend or traveled to other countries.
I didn't know how to cook or eat healthy. I didn't know how to pay taxes. The few wild stories I had took place in prison, and came mostly from listening to those around me. I couldn't relate to them, and they couldn't relate to me.
ALSO READ: The South African' partners with Restore for Prison Journalism Programme
Still, I was fortunate enough to make friends with people on the outside, mostly through my dad. When those friends chose to open up to me, they found out I was genuinely interested in them. I learned about what normal people deal with on a daily basis. These friends helped keep me human, instead of turning into a toxic prison caveman.
BECOMING AN ADULT IN PRISON Even behind bars, people can grow. Whether we become noxious weeds or beautiful plants is partially up to us. I didn't want my past to be my entire life, so I chose the latter.
I took an introductory culinary arts class and became an amazing cook. Later, I became a tutor and chef in the program. I learned enough about the law to help a teenager get out of prison. I wrote, drew and read. I became educated as I imagine I would have been if I hadn't gone to prison. I trained dogs and performed in prison concerts. I saw that I could create instead of destroy.
I still can't make a mean face if my life depended on it, but I don't care about that anymore. I still get stares from predators when I eat a banana the regular way, but my beard makes me less appetizing now, and they know not to mess with a 33-year-old.
I still get along with e
Most recent headlines
05/01/2027
Worlds first 802.15.4ab-UWB chip verified by Calterah and Rohde & Schwarz to be ...
06/09/2026
June 9 2026, 23:00 (PDT) Dolby and MagentaTV Bring Fans Closer to the FIFA Worl...
04/08/2026
Dalet, a leading technology and service provider for media-rich organizations, t...
04/07/2026
When Canada qualified for the FIFA World Cup 2026, OneSoccer knew this wasn'...
04/07/2026
Celebrates company's 80th anniversary
Rhodes have recently revealed that they will be producing a limited run of electric pianos in celebration of their...
04/07/2026
Blackmagic Design Cameras Empower Youth Broadcasting Program
Brie Clayton July 3, 2026
0 Comments
Blackmagic Pocket Cinema Camera 6K Pro and Blackmagi...
04/07/2026
iZotope Joins Boris FX
Boris Yamnitsky July 3, 2026
0 Comments
iZotope, the team behind RX and Ozone, is joining Boris FX. A letter from founder Boris...
04/07/2026
April 7 2026, 19:00 (PDT) Detective Conan: Fallen Angel of the Highway Opens in...
03/07/2026
New bundle & three Single Packs
Continuing to expand their already sizeable orchestral collection, VSL's latest release introduces three new Single Pack...
03/07/2026
Venue installs new ATC-equipped control room
LSO St Luke's, a unique music venue that also serves as the home of the London Symphony Orchestra, have rec...
03/07/2026
Caden Pearson appointed new Commissioning Editor for NITV
3 July, 2026
Media releases
National Indigenous Television (NITV) has strengthened its commitment...
03/07/2026
1 February 2023
SHARE Facebook Twitter Linkedin Email
Munich, Germany, 1st February 2023: Cinegy GmbH, the premier provider of software technology for digit...
03/07/2026
Share
Copy link
Facebook
X
Linkedin
Bluesky
Email...
03/07/2026
Share
Copy link
Facebook
X
Linkedin
Bluesky
Email...
03/07/2026
Share
Copy link
Facebook
X
Linkedin
Bluesky
Email...
03/07/2026
Death Star
Andy Marken July 2, 2026
0 Comments
Look, I can't get involved. I've got work to do. It's not that I like the Empire; I hate i...
03/07/2026
Berklee's New Visual Identity: Honoring Our History, Building for What's...
03/07/2026
Scripps Research scientists awarded $2M to advance global disease surveillance Two Gates Foundation grants will expand wastewater surveillance and AI-driven dis...
03/07/2026
Joan Pulupa joins Scripps Research faculty to study the organization of DNA in brain cells and its links to neurodegeneration Using smell-sensing neurons and ad...
02/07/2026
Entering her senior year, this hometown girl is paving a career in live sports production gaining experience in replay and audio and as a TD
In the live-sports...
02/07/2026
In-venue and creative video staffers at the professional and collegiate level ha...
02/07/2026
BLAST, a competitive entertainment company focused on esports, has announced more than $133 million in revenue for 2025, representing more than 40% year-over-ye...
02/07/2026
Riedel Communications has announced official SKAARHOJ panel support for SimplyLive production workflows, enabled through the SimplyLive 2.1 release. The integra...
02/07/2026
The Fire Rescue Service of the Czech Republic has deployed LiveU video-over-bond...
02/07/2026
Gravity Media USA has announced the appointment of Brittney Boston as Head of Business Development, effective July 1, 2026. Based in Nashville, Tennessee, Bosto...
02/07/2026
TwelveLabs, a video intelligence company, has announced $100 million in Series B funding co-led by NEA and NAVER Ventures, with participation from Amazon, Radic...
02/07/2026
The Pro Padel League (PPL) has announced a broadcast partnership with USA Sports that will air five PPL championship matches on CNBC during the 2026 season, the...
02/07/2026
LiveLike, a digital fan engagement platform, has announced eight confirmed FIFA ...
02/07/2026
Cobalt Digital has received Future's Best of Show Award, presented by AV Technology at InfoComm 2026, for its blueCORE family of standalone signal processor...
02/07/2026
Synamedia has announced the appointment of Dr. Tzvi Gerstl as Chief Executive Officer. Paul Segre, who has served as CEO for the past six years, will transition...
02/07/2026
The Esports Foundation (EF) and Sony Group Corporation have announced an expanded collaboration for the Esports World Cup 2026 (EWC), taking place in Paris, Fra...
02/07/2026
Zee Entertainment Enterprises Ltd. ( Z') has announced exclusive broadcast and digital rights for the Bundesliga in India for five years, beginning with the...
02/07/2026
An effort uniting News, Sports, Local, and Telemundo, the 50+-camera live produc...
02/07/2026
Zoey Deutch, John Slattery, Ken Marino, Miles Gutierrez-Riley, and Ben Wang appe...
02/07/2026
Stammering, stuttering, strangulated tones
The Crow Hill Company's latest creation promises to be the most original sound set they've produced to d...
02/07/2026
A new era in unmixing and spectral editing
The latest version of Steinberg's spectral audio-editing software has just arrived, building on the strength...
02/07/2026
Aims to simplify additive synthesis
Sine Machine is the debut launch from Melatonin, a Vienna-based developer who have spent the past six years creating wha...
02/07/2026
Products to remain fully active & supported
Following the news of Native Instruments joining the inMusic brand line-up, Academy and Emmy Award-winning visua...
02/07/2026
What you missed!
Last weekend, Saturday 27 June 2026, saw the debut of Sound On Sounds new GearExpo UK event, the largest dedicated pro-audio event to take ...
02/07/2026
Share
Copy link
Facebook
X
Linkedin
Bluesky
Email...
02/07/2026
Following the successful launch of its inaugural APAC Mentoring Programme last month, the Rise AV APAC Regional Council will bring the conversation around mento...
02/07/2026
Blackmagic PYXIS 6K Used to Shoot Director Takahisa Zeze's Cry Out
Brie Clayton July 2, 2026
0 Comments
Highly mobile camera supports tense and de...
02/07/2026
Broadcast Solutions acquires BFE, expanding its lead in European broadcast, medi...
02/07/2026
Berklee Alum and Faculty Perform at Boston Public Library's 250th Anniversar...
02/07/2026
Broadcast Solutions GmbH, a leading systems integrator and provider of innovative solutions for the broadcast media industry, is acquiring BFE Studio und Medien...
02/07/2026
Cinegy GmbH, the premier provider of software-defined television technology, has extended the ingest facility at leading Brazilian sports company LiveMode, work...
02/07/2026
Share
Copy link
Facebook
X
Linkedin
Bluesky
Email...
02/07/2026
Standalone processors acknowledged for the innovation and value they bring to Pro AV
Cobalt Digital, a leading designer and manufacturer of signal processing ...
02/07/2026
Synamedia announced today the appointment of Dr Tzvi Gerstl as Chief Executive Officer. Paul Segre, who has served as CEO for the past six years, will transitio...
Prison journalism: While my friends graduated high school, I sat behind barsEntering prison at age 15, my first task was simply to survive. Eighteen years later, I'm learning what it means to be an adult.
