Prison journalism: Things that still stick with you once you're out of prison

Prison journalism: Things that still stick with you once you're out of prisonWesley Leong was incarcerated at the age of 15 in 1996 at Pollsmoor Prison. He is currently part of Restore's research and reintegration project.

by Wesley Leong

19-10-2023 08:41

in Prison Journalism

Wesley Leong was incarcerated at the age of 15 in 1996 at Pollsmoor Prison. He is currently part of Restore's research and reintegration project.

Image: Pixabay.

We've all watched enough prison dramas to imagine what it's like to be in jail: eight-by-eight cells with damp concrete walls, a single camp bed with a stained sheet, a square barred window, and a cold metal toilet in the corner.

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The thing we also learn from TV is that when you're in jail, your motivation for getting through every day is the thought of getting out. But what if it's not all celebratory on the outside? What are the psychological repercussions of having spent time inside, and what's it actually like to leave jail? When I went inside, I was using a Nokia 3310; smartphones and the internet weren't really on my radar. I thought an email address was called an email number. I came out to a whole new world.

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Reentry Challenges and Financial Struggles On top of getting to grips with the world being a completely different place, there are all these restrictions that come with getting out. You don't just serve your time, and then it's over. It's never really over. Luckily, I actually have a job, thanks to some good friends, which is more than can be said for a lot of offenders. People think that the biggest struggle leaving prison is the psychological one, but it's the financial struggle that's a killer.

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I had to get myself housed, get myself into employment, and get myself off the dope, which I'd been smoking heavily for over 15 years. I now understand why people with no family links end up back inside again because, at the end of the day, it's the offenders that keep the prison staff in a job. If I didn't have strong family links and an amazing girlfriend, there's no doubt in my mind I would have reoffended.

When you're released from prison, they always promise that you'll get town and home visits before you leave to get yourself used to it, but I didn't get any of that. We came straight back home, but I hadn't been there for a decade. It was almost like I had to acclimatize myself to it, so I became a bit of a clean freak. I went into every nook and cranny to try and get to know my environment. In your cell, you know every square inch, so being in such a big space was intimidating.

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Institutionalized Behavior and the Struggle to Adapt When someone gets sent to prison, I imagine they're forced to adjust fairly quickly to life on the inside. There are ways of doing things that will help keep you safe and keep you out of trouble with the guards, and basically just make your day-to-day life as easy as possible. Those habits don't usually translate to life outside of prison, though. Depending on how long a person has been institutionalized, they can be hard to break. God, I got out two years ago, and I cannot for the life of me shake my aggressive posturing. That's all prison is being hyper-vigilant, and I would argue, worse yet, always appearing indifferent.

Like you could be hanging out with your friends, laughing, watching TV, but then even the slightest miss-phrasing of something or a sudden movement will shift the whole mood of the room at the drop of a dime. So whatever emotion you display has to be instantly shut off, and on a moment's notice, you have to be booted and suited.' I would return to my unit on occasion, and there would be blood smeared on the walls from a fight I missed. You didn't look at it. Eyes forward, indifferent.

Emotion is weakness, and though I was secretly panicking, I am an educated South African Chinese male from a rural area, and I was thrown into a metropolitan prison. I didn't have an ounce of aggression in me before. And my wife, who has stuck by my side through it all, says I'm as gentle and kind as before, but my prison mannerisms stick around nonetheless. She's always telling me not to make such strong eye contact with people, not to cross my arms all the time It is subliminal, and I'm getting better at it, but it's been hard as hell to shake.

Moral of the story: don't go to prison, kids, because you're only one poor decision away from doing laps. In prison, every time you get time on the yard, you do laps. Seriously, almost every single person does it too. When you get out, it's hard to break that habit.

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Should you wish to assist in the rehabilitation of former inmates and help put money into the pockets of those who have struggled to earn a living during and after incarceration, click HERE

DISCLAIMER: Submission published as received

RESTORE is an NGO based in Cape Town, South Africa, providing inmates at Pollsmoor Prison with restorative justice opportunities.

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