Prison journalism: Reflecting on Life's Meaning and Choices

Prison journalism: Reflecting on Life's Meaning and ChoicesLincoln Raker was incarcerated at Pollsmoor prison from 2013 until 2016 and participated in the restorative justice programme while serving his time

by Lincoln Raker

15-11-2023 16:56

in Prison Journalism

Prison

Image via Unsplash

Did you ever think of the meaning of life? I have. I think it only comes when you're down and under; it feels like everything is falling apart and you have no control over anything. The reason that I am using this topic is, if you have everything in the palm of your hands, it's like you don't care, or you don't worry about what you did and what you are still doing.

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The Constraints of Gang Life Being part of a gang means you don't have authority over your own life, and that you should just play along, and even if you don't want to, you don't have much of a choice. If you need moral support, you won't even know who to talk to or to trust. It was very hard for me because I had a lot of gaps to fill; it meant that if I did not trust anyone, I had to go out and do it myself. I never even wanted to go to sleep at night, thinking of what I did; all of it just plays in my mind, so I smoked a lot of drugs just to stay awake and to forget about what I did.

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Living with Regrets and Seeking Redemption Yes, I did a lot of bad things, but at that point in my life, it was all that I knew. People would label me, and I even got worse, and if I could see then like I see now, hopefully, I would have done better. Yes, some people still have questions, and maybe one day I can give them answers. My time in prison, it made me a monster; if I think about it, I became heartless. I didn't care about anyone, even myself, and living like that, just imagine life with no purpose and no meaning. It leads you to a deeper hole with no steps out of it.

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A Message of Hope and Forgiveness The reason that I am writing this story is, I am still trying to forgive myself for what I have done, and at the same time, I want people to find hope in my story, knowing that they are not alone and there is a way out of it. Sometimes in life, if we make a mistake, it is what we want from it, and there are just some horns, if you like, we need to live with.

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DISCLAIMER: Submission published as received

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RESTORE is an NGO based in Cape Town, South Africa, providing inmates at Pollsmoor Prison with restorative justice opportunities.

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