Prison Journalism: Gang lifeLincoln Raker was incarcerated at Pollsmoor prison from 2013 until 2016 and participated in the restorative justice programme while serving his time.
by Lincoln Raker
22-02-2024 10:54
in Prison Journalism
Prison
Image via Unsplash
Being bold, not knowing what the future holds, standing in the cold trying to get the drugs sold.
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The Struggle and the Storm It's starting to rain, in so much pain, my body is wet, my body is cold, I am so young, I feel so old. Knowing that it might just be my day to pay, or my life could be taken away. For all the struggle I went on, it just made me stronger, and yes, they say men don't cry, but I believe that is not true. Sometimes I cried like a baby, not knowing what to do, sad about the mess that I am in, and I think that it is okay to cry sometimes, even when I am with my gang members. I don't even feel a pain that I am not crying. Yes, many of the times I had mixed feelings and just wanted to keep it to myself, not wanting to stay on a stack. Time is so hard. Do you know how it feels if everyone does not trust you? I spent most of my life in a world that is hard to have but easy to find. I find it not impossible to change and live a normal life. I think everyone has a calling, no matter what it is, that if you find your calling one day, to never give up, and that's because with them, you will go far in life and be an example for others as well.
Trying to Keep it Together I think that if you want to change, yes, you can do it. It is all up to you and how you choose. For example, looking at someone and by just seeing their body language, you know what is needed there because what I see in myself in others that are still looking for a way out. But I think that, yes, if it happened, it was meant to happen. I feel like what I wanted in the end was that I don't add value to it. Yes, I was a bad person, but it makes me think sometimes that I don't know myself and how I will find it, or just to be odd, to be a normal person.
Past Comes Back to Haunt Me It's been a few years since I'm out and just like everyone, I am living my life, but just in a blink of an eye, an old case reopens, and it made me so confused that I did not know what to do or how to take control of this happening. Yes, it was a shock for me because I did not expect that I would stand in court again and by that, it brings back a lot of what happened in my past life, and all I wanted was to move forward, but at this point, it shows that I am taking a few steps back in life.
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DISCLAIMER: Submission published as received
Should you wish to assist in the rehabilitation of former inmates and help put money into the pockets of those who have struggled to earn a living during and after incarceration, click HERE
RESTORE is an NGO based in Cape Town, South Africa, providing inmates at Pollsmoor Prison with restorative justice opportunities.
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Prison Journalism: Gang lifeLincoln Raker was incarcerated at Pollsmoor prison from 2013 until 2016 and participated in the restorative justice programme while serving his time.
