Sony Pixel Power calrec Sony

Save This Script, Episode 3

30/11/2022

Save This Script, Episode 3

Mark Suszko November 29, 2022

0 Comments

In this episode, the Script Doctors' patient is a :30 TV spot intended to raise funds for an academic institution. The diagnosis is obesity, caused by passive language and lack of focus. So John and Mark trim the fat to yield a lean and healthy sales message, by applying techniques and idea-starters from John's book, Scriptwriting for High-Impact Videos.

Great videos start with a great script.

Sometimes, the scripts aren't so great.

We're script doctors; come, watch us operate.

In each installment of this series, a writer/producer team is confronted with a creative challenge. The scenario, written in screenplay format, revolves around a typical client management situation that can lead to a problem script.

The problem script itself can then be read, followed by some back-and-forth as the creative team rises to the challenge.

Each installment ends with the finished makeover script being pitched to the client. Brief commentary then further explores the strategies and insights that drove the script make-over.

FADE IN: INT. WELLINGTON TECH, ADMINISTRATIVE OFFICES - DAY Director of Materials Research, WAYNE, sits across his desk from MARK, who is a principal in Glendower Productions, and sits taking notes. MARK To raise funds for an institution, TV advertising is usually considered to be too broad. WAYNE But this is a college town. MARK So its strictly a local buy? WAYNE A gift really. The station owner is a donor. MARK I imagine some donors arent local. WAYNE Most arent local. So they see the ad on our website and YouTube, with an email pushing the link out to them. MARK Nice. Stressing its been on broadcast TV strengthens credibility. WAYNE And its going to run during every football and basketball game. MARK Who do you hope to persuade with this ad? WAYNE Largely alumni. MARK Whats in it for them? WAYNE Its the future. Nanotechnology may save your life some day. MARK Anything more ... immediate? WAYNE Breadth of research: In addition to nanotechnology weve making advances in quantum-state piezoelectric ceramics, substrate admixtures, and plasma technologies ... MARK How about right now? What lights up a donor, the minute he or she gives? WAYNE Well ... When they get a load of the lab, I see some light bulbs turn on. MARK You mentioned alumni and placement in sports programming. WAYNE School spirit. Sure. Everyone likes to see their alma mater win recognition. MARK Any guidelines for your ad? Wayne hands some paper to Mark. WAYNE Were not scriptwriters, but a lot of work has gone into this background section from grant proposals weve been submitting. We thought it could be the basis for a script, but we are having trouble shortening it, without leaving anything out. Dissolve to the proposal background section. Wellington Tech has long sought a new facility to expand the search for meta-materials of discrete and exciting new capabilities, for use in the fields of advanced computation integrated circuit device design, and with the generous support of WTI Alumnae, that search has a new locus of operation, in the recently-christened Eugenia Flatbush-Hagenbottom Center for Advanced Materials Research. (Hereafter known as the EFHCAMR)

EFHCAMR will, it is hoped, become what is generally accepted within the materials science community at large as the pre-eminent facility in the country for research into the possibilities presented by the class of substances known as meta-materials , to include, but not be limited to, such materials as Carbon Nano-tubing and Quantum-state Piezoelectric ceramics, and perhaps other breakthrough substances or admixtures, as yet unknown or unrecognized in peer-reviewed journals.

While the EFHCAMR is operational and already staffed, there is, it has become self-evident, some need for additional funding to acquire additional test and measuring equipment pursuant to specific research goals on projects now being conducted by Principal Investigators. The costs of these additional mechanisms and devices is non-trivial, and while the Institute as a whole has every wish for the success of this program's goals and objectives, additional contributions from the general fund are not foreseen as becoming available in the near time frame. As an alternative, we look to the continued generosity of Wellington Alumnae to appreciate the need for this program and to help us advance these researches with a commitment of their own financial sponsorship, commensurate to that financial need. Our Development Office will most gladly entertain any such offering.

INT. GLENDOWER OFFICE -- DAY

Mark, and another company principal, JOHN, are reviewing the client-provided source material.

JOHN

Any telegenic types there?

MARK

There is a reason theyve chosen to lock themselves in a lab, away from humanity.

JOHN

So, a professional voice then. Can we have the pro walk and talk through the lab?

MARK

I dont think so this time. Budget issues. But we can afford a day to shoot b roll, and theres some real visually interesting stuff there.

JOHN

So what are we selling?

MARK

Be true to your school. Its all about seeing your schools name in the news and your name associated. Feel like you were smart enough to buy Apple stock in 1980, if you were alive then.

JOHN

Our client said all that?

MARK

No. Hes all mission-focused on the miracles they may discover some day, and the fact they built an entire lab without a budget to stock it. Eggheads! But he says donors light up when they see the lab.

JOHN

Do they have open-house days for donors?

MARK

Yep. I even saw some of the welcome donors signs they put out.

JOHN

Is there a high roller we can feature; who could be there when we shoot b roll?

MARK

A Mrs. Eugenia Flatbush Hagenbottom has been generous enough that her name is now on one
LINK: https://creativecow.net/save-this-script-episode-3/...
See more stories from creativecow

Most recent headlines

05/01/2027

Worlds first 802.15.4ab-UWB chip verified by Calterah and Rohde & Schwarz to be demoed at CES 2026

Worlds first 802.15.4ab-UWB chip verified by Calterah and Rohde & Schwarz to be ...

04/08/2026

Dalet Announces Commercial Availability of Dalia, Bringing Media-Aware Agentic AI to Enterprise Productions

Dalet, a leading technology and service provider for media-rich organizations, t...

04/07/2026

Detective Conan: Fallen Angel of the Highway Opens in Dolby Cinemas Across Japan, Presented in Dolby Atmos and Dolby ...

April 7 2026, 19:00 (PDT) Detective Conan: Fallen Angel of the Highway Opens in...

01/06/2026

Dolby Sets the New Standard for Premium Entertainment at CES 2026

January 6 2026, 05:30 (PST) Dolby Sets the New Standard for Premium Entertainment at CES 2026 Throughout the week, Dolby brings to life the latest innovatio...

02/05/2026

Dalet Flex LTS Delivers Smarter Search, Faster Editing, and an AI-Ready Foundation for Modern Media

Dalet, a leading technology and service provider for media-rich organizations, t...

01/05/2026

NBCUniversal's Peacock to Be First Streamer to Integrate Dolby's Full Suite of Premium Picture and Sound Innovations

January 5 2026, 18:30 (PST) NBCUniversal's Peacock to Be First Streamer to ...

30/04/2026

Golf Craft Interview: A1s Florian Brown and James Deason

Behind the Broadcast: The Sound of Elite Golf Golf is gaining popularity; the 2025 Ryder Cup achieved record-breaking viewing figures in the UK specifically, wi...

30/04/2026

CPI Media Leverages QuickLink StudioCall for Integrating...

STA VENERA, MALTA, APRIL 29, 2026 CPI Media, a voluntary organization within the Missionary Society of St Paul (MSSP) and a leading media house dedicated to p...

30/04/2026

Hitomi Broadcast Presents UK Debut of MatchBox Panorama a...

New software platform delivers comprehensive timing measurement across production workflows...

30/04/2026

Cutting edge British innovation leads at BroadcastAsia 20...

Once again, the UK Pavilion in Hall 5 of BroadcastAsia 2026 will feature the latest and best in technology specifically developed and tailored for modern media ...

30/04/2026

Avid powers faster workflows and next-generation immersive audio with latest Pro Tools release

Avid powers faster workflows and next-generation immersive audio with latest Pro...

30/04/2026

Ocean Blue Software Launches ATSC 3.0 Inspector for Smart TVs

Share Copy link Facebook X Linkedin Bluesky Email...

30/04/2026

Digital Azul positions Lisbon as a remote production hub...

Scalable broadcast-grade production over public internet, replacing traditional OB workflows...

30/04/2026

V Nova Brings DTV Deployment LCEVC Ecosystem Progress and...

Live demonstrations highlight LCEVC ecosystem momentum, AI-powered video pipelines, and expansion across broadcast, streaming, and social media. DTV (TV 3.0) ...

30/04/2026

Student Spotlight: Matthew Leon

Student Spotlight: Matthew Leon The dual major shares his path from community college to Berklee, and how his heritage influences his work. April 29, 2026 B...

30/04/2026

Berklee Artists to Perform at Major Global Music Festivals

Berklee Artists to Perform at Major Global Music Festivals As part of the Berklee Popular Music Institute, students will perform at Lollapalooza, Governors Ba...

30/04/2026

Study: Rokus Low-Cost, Ad-Free Howdy Streamer Hits 1 Million Subs

Share Copy link Facebook X Linkedin Bluesky Email...

30/04/2026

MLS Innovation Lab Selects AI Partners

Share Copy link Facebook X Linkedin Bluesky Email...

30/04/2026

NRB Files FCC Complaint Over Jimmy Kimmel Live!' Monologue

Share Copy link Facebook X Linkedin Bluesky Email...

30/04/2026

D.C. Court Denies Emergency Stay of Nexstar/Tegna Merger

Share Copy link Facebook X Linkedin Bluesky Email...

30/04/2026

NAB Criticizes FCC for Ordering Early Renewal of ABC-Owned Stations

Share Copy link Facebook X Linkedin Bluesky Email...

30/04/2026

FCC Approves Station Swaps Between Scripps and Gray Media

Share Copy link Facebook X Linkedin Bluesky Email...

30/04/2026

Telestream Introduces Pulse - a Software-Defined Test an...

A flexible monitoring platform designed to simplify ST 2110 operations, consolidate vendor tools, and support modern live production environments. See it at NAB...

30/04/2026

Langlev Takes Run Amok to Sundance with Zeiss Supreme Pri...

Sundance-premiering Run Amok is an expressive, unconventional take on today's teen experience, replete with musical numbers. When cinematographer Shachar ...

30/04/2026

Studio Technologies Elevates Jacksonville State Universit...

JACKSONVILLE, AL, APRIL 29, 2026 Jacksonville State University, known as Jax State and a proud NCAA Division I member of Conference USA, has transformed its a...

30/04/2026

Knowledge Network selects ThinkAnalytics to launch AI-pow...

Transforming viewer and content data into real-time intelligence to deliver relevant streaming experiences at scale ThinkAnalytics, the global leader in AI-pow...

30/04/2026

Sports Production, Delivery is Big Biz at NAB

Sports Production, Delivery is Big Biz at NAB Andy Marken April 29, 2026 0 Comments Hero image source: NAB One of the neat things about trade shows i...

30/04/2026

Former Kerry footballer and broadcaster Dara Cinnide investigates the century-old murder of a Kerry man in new RT documentary

Rian na Fola airs on RT One and RT Player on Monday May 4 Rian na Fola is a o...

30/04/2026

It's Gonna Be May: 16 Games Hit the Cloud This Month, With More NVIDIA GeForce RTX 5080 Power

It's gonna be May - and the cloud's in full festival mode. 16 games ar...

30/04/2026

April 29, 2026

Scripps Research ranks third in 2026 Cure Innovation Index April 29, 2026 LA JOLLA, CA Scripps Research ranked third in the inaugural 2026 Cure Innovation In...

29/04/2026

Churchill Downs Racetrack Lifts Curtain on New Big Board Ahead of Kentucky Derby Week

It was a delicate job in a 150-year-old venue laden with traditions. Begun at th...

29/04/2026

How the MLS Innovation Lab Enhances Everything From Athlete Performance to Production to Ticket Sales

In annual event, the league gives startup companies the opportunity to prove the...

29/04/2026

Save the Date: SVG Venues & Teams Summit Travels South to Miamis Kaseya Center on Aug. 12

Panel discussions, networking, and a facility tour will take place in the renova...

29/04/2026

The Cast and Crew of Conbody VS Everybody Have Each Other's Backs for Life

(L-R) Derek Drescher, Coss Marte, and Syretta Wright have each other's backs. (Micheal Hurcomb/Shutterstock for Sundance Film Festival) By Veronika Lee Cla...

29/04/2026

Free Tilt EQ plug-in from Techivation

Combines EQ and harmonic distortion Techivation's latest release is a simple EQ designed to offer quick control over a source's overall tonal balanc...

29/04/2026

Expressive E launch the Osmose CE

Two new MPE controllers announced Expressive E caused quite a stir when they released the Osmose, making the sort of expression that was once reserved for p...

29/04/2026

iZotope RX 12 is here

New modules & enhanced machine-learning The latest version of iZotope's flagship restoration suite is now available, and now offers over 50 tools design...

29/04/2026

Surgeon Dr Jasmina Kevric wins 2026 Les Murray Award

Surgeon Dr Jasmina Kevric wins 2026 Les Murray Award 29 April, 2026 Media releases Australia for UNHCR and SBS are proud to announce that Dr Jasmina Kevric...

29/04/2026

YEP Spotlight: Julissa Padilla

Some people stumble into their passion. Julissa Padilla walked straight into a film vault. For her, entertainment was never just about the movies themselves. It...

29/04/2026

Clear-Com Promotes Brian Grahn, Ben Turnwell to Expanded Roles

Share Copy link Facebook X Linkedin Bluesky Email...

29/04/2026

The CW Unveils Major Streaming Deals with ESPN and Roku

Share Copy link Facebook X Linkedin Bluesky Email...

29/04/2026

Clear-Com Announces New Roles for Brian Grahn and Ben Tur...

Clear-Com has appointed Brian Grahn as Market Outreach Manager of the Americas and Ben Turnwell as Business Development Manager for EMEA live, expanding their ...

29/04/2026

Reduce Workflow Complexity with nxtedition at MPTS 2026

nxtedition is bringing its range of consolidated production tools to MPTS 2026, with new developments spanning transcription, editing, graphics and AI-assisted ...

29/04/2026

Telxius taps Synamedia to unlock seamless global multi-CD...

Quortex Switch to boost the streaming experience for Telxius customers, reaching millions of viewers worldwide Synamedia and Telxius, the leading global connec...

29/04/2026

freispace and Projective Announce Joint Showcase of Integ...

freispace, the leading ERP-as-a-Service platform for media and entertainment production, and Projective, a leading provider of post-production collaboration tec...

29/04/2026

DHD Celebrates 30th Anniversary at 2026 NAB Show

DHD reports strong interest in its broadcast audio product range, exhibited at the April 19th-22nd NAB Show in Las Vegas. The event attracted a claimed 58,000 a...

29/04/2026

Student Spotlight: Alan Catz

Student Spotlight: Alan Catz The Argentine film and game composer talks about working on League of Legends, receiving Berklee's BMI Award, and the lifelon...

29/04/2026

Jay Jennings Builds the Worlds You Hear on Screen

Jay Jennings Builds the Worlds You Hear on Screen The supervising sound designer behind A Minecraft Movie, The Meg, Letters from Iwo Jima, and dozens of other...

29/04/2026

Paramount Will be 49.5% Foreign Owned After WBD Merger

Share Copy link Facebook X Linkedin Bluesky Email...

29/04/2026

NAB Show 2026: AI, Vertical and BPS Dominate Broadcasters' Discussions

Share Copy link Facebook X Linkedin Bluesky Email...