Save This Script, Episode 3
Mark Suszko November 29, 2022
0 Comments
In this episode, the Script Doctors' patient is a :30 TV spot intended to raise funds for an academic institution. The diagnosis is obesity, caused by passive language and lack of focus. So John and Mark trim the fat to yield a lean and healthy sales message, by applying techniques and idea-starters from John's book, Scriptwriting for High-Impact Videos.
Great videos start with a great script.
Sometimes, the scripts aren't so great.
We're script doctors; come, watch us operate.
In each installment of this series, a writer/producer team is confronted with a creative challenge. The scenario, written in screenplay format, revolves around a typical client management situation that can lead to a problem script.
The problem script itself can then be read, followed by some back-and-forth as the creative team rises to the challenge.
Each installment ends with the finished makeover script being pitched to the client. Brief commentary then further explores the strategies and insights that drove the script make-over.
FADE IN: INT. WELLINGTON TECH, ADMINISTRATIVE OFFICES - DAY Director of Materials Research, WAYNE, sits across his desk from MARK, who is a principal in Glendower Productions, and sits taking notes. MARK To raise funds for an institution, TV advertising is usually considered to be too broad. WAYNE But this is a college town. MARK So its strictly a local buy? WAYNE A gift really. The station owner is a donor. MARK I imagine some donors arent local. WAYNE Most arent local. So they see the ad on our website and YouTube, with an email pushing the link out to them. MARK Nice. Stressing its been on broadcast TV strengthens credibility. WAYNE And its going to run during every football and basketball game. MARK Who do you hope to persuade with this ad? WAYNE Largely alumni. MARK Whats in it for them? WAYNE Its the future. Nanotechnology may save your life some day. MARK Anything more ... immediate? WAYNE Breadth of research: In addition to nanotechnology weve making advances in quantum-state piezoelectric ceramics, substrate admixtures, and plasma technologies ... MARK How about right now? What lights up a donor, the minute he or she gives? WAYNE Well ... When they get a load of the lab, I see some light bulbs turn on. MARK You mentioned alumni and placement in sports programming. WAYNE School spirit. Sure. Everyone likes to see their alma mater win recognition. MARK Any guidelines for your ad? Wayne hands some paper to Mark. WAYNE Were not scriptwriters, but a lot of work has gone into this background section from grant proposals weve been submitting. We thought it could be the basis for a script, but we are having trouble shortening it, without leaving anything out. Dissolve to the proposal background section. Wellington Tech has long sought a new facility to expand the search for meta-materials of discrete and exciting new capabilities, for use in the fields of advanced computation integrated circuit device design, and with the generous support of WTI Alumnae, that search has a new locus of operation, in the recently-christened Eugenia Flatbush-Hagenbottom Center for Advanced Materials Research. (Hereafter known as the EFHCAMR)
EFHCAMR will, it is hoped, become what is generally accepted within the materials science community at large as the pre-eminent facility in the country for research into the possibilities presented by the class of substances known as meta-materials , to include, but not be limited to, such materials as Carbon Nano-tubing and Quantum-state Piezoelectric ceramics, and perhaps other breakthrough substances or admixtures, as yet unknown or unrecognized in peer-reviewed journals.
While the EFHCAMR is operational and already staffed, there is, it has become self-evident, some need for additional funding to acquire additional test and measuring equipment pursuant to specific research goals on projects now being conducted by Principal Investigators. The costs of these additional mechanisms and devices is non-trivial, and while the Institute as a whole has every wish for the success of this program's goals and objectives, additional contributions from the general fund are not foreseen as becoming available in the near time frame. As an alternative, we look to the continued generosity of Wellington Alumnae to appreciate the need for this program and to help us advance these researches with a commitment of their own financial sponsorship, commensurate to that financial need. Our Development Office will most gladly entertain any such offering.
INT. GLENDOWER OFFICE -- DAY
Mark, and another company principal, JOHN, are reviewing the client-provided source material.
JOHN
Any telegenic types there?
MARK
There is a reason theyve chosen to lock themselves in a lab, away from humanity.
JOHN
So, a professional voice then. Can we have the pro walk and talk through the lab?
MARK
I dont think so this time. Budget issues. But we can afford a day to shoot b roll, and theres some real visually interesting stuff there.
JOHN
So what are we selling?
MARK
Be true to your school. Its all about seeing your schools name in the news and your name associated. Feel like you were smart enough to buy Apple stock in 1980, if you were alive then.
JOHN
Our client said all that?
MARK
No. Hes all mission-focused on the miracles they may discover some day, and the fact they built an entire lab without a budget to stock it. Eggheads! But he says donors light up when they see the lab.
JOHN
Do they have open-house days for donors?
MARK
Yep. I even saw some of the welcome donors signs they put out.
JOHN
Is there a high roller we can feature; who could be there when we shoot b roll?
MARK
A Mrs. Eugenia Flatbush Hagenbottom has been generous enough that her name is now on one
Most recent headlines
05/01/2027
Worlds first 802.15.4ab-UWB chip verified by Calterah and Rohde & Schwarz to be ...
07/10/2026
Dalet, a leading technology and service provider for media-rich organizations, today announced the latest Long-Term Supported (LTS) release of Dalet Flex. Build...
06/09/2026
June 9 2026, 23:00 (PDT) Dolby and MagentaTV Bring Fans Closer to the FIFA Worl...
04/08/2026
Dalet, a leading technology and service provider for media-rich organizations, t...
23/07/2026
Download Now!
To receive a short case study showcasing Vivid Broadcast's audio setup, please enter the following details:
--
First Name* First Name ...
23/07/2026
Share
Copy link
Facebook
X
Linkedin
Bluesky
Email...
23/07/2026
Share
Copy link
Facebook
X
Linkedin
Bluesky
Email...
23/07/2026
Share
Copy link
Facebook
X
Linkedin
Bluesky
Email...
23/07/2026
Share
Copy link
Facebook
X
Linkedin
Bluesky
Email...
23/07/2026
Witbe brings its AI-native testing and monitoring infrastructure to Amsterdam: demonstrations on real devices, a peer-reviewed technical paper in the conference...
23/07/2026
Quickplay, Caretta Research, Evergent, and Yospace have announced that the renowned IBC Pride Happy Hour will once again bring the vibe and fun back to IBC on F...
23/07/2026
At IBC2026, Interra Systems will present this year's focus: operational AI at scale for QC, monitoring, and captioning workflows. The industry has moved pas...
23/07/2026
Illusionfx is finally coming!
Alex Perea July 23, 2026
0 Comments
The new website is now live to mark the occasion.
Since the last update, feedback h...
23/07/2026
Evergent (5.A86) will showcase its Agentic Revenue Orchestration Platform for streaming services, sports leagues, pay-TV operators at IBC2026 (RAI Amsterdam, 11...
23/07/2026
Share
Copy link
Facebook
X
Linkedin
Bluesky
Email...
23/07/2026
Share
Copy link
Facebook
X
Linkedin
Bluesky
Email...
23/07/2026
David Dvir, 2D founder (left), Sundeep Reddy (center), and Jean-Marc Bouchut (right), both of Zeiss...
23/07/2026
Screen Australia announces new national documentary accelerator program 23 July 2026
Screen Australia has today announced the Above the Line Documentary Accel...
23/07/2026
RT Commercial has today announced Centra as the official food partner once again of The Traitors Ireland, coming to RT One and RT Player later this year.
Ce...
23/07/2026
RT Commercial today announced Honda as sponsor of Today with David McCullagh RT Radio 1, weekdays 9am 11am.
Broadcasting directly after Morning Ireland in ...
23/07/2026
RT News is pleased to announce Barry Gallagher has been assigned as the new journalist covering news from Cork, Kerry and the wider Southern region
Working al...
23/07/2026
Lock in and load up the cloud. GFN Thursday brings fresh updates and new adventu...
22/07/2026
Among other tweaks to coverage, the broadcaster added announce positions in the ...
22/07/2026
The Australian Sports Technologies Network (ASTN) has reported a sharp acceleration in Australia's sportstech sector, with revenue growth rising from 10% in...
22/07/2026
From a retrofitted broadcast bus to packed Match Day Live! events, Bennett detai...
22/07/2026
TMRW Sports has named Brendan Donohue as President, Flag Football, where he will lead the company's professional flag football business in partnership with ...
22/07/2026
Stephen Arnold Music (SAM) designed and produced soundtracks for nine projection...
22/07/2026
Harmonic has announced a $25,000 donation to Global Empowerment Mission (GEM) fo...
22/07/2026
Telemundo has announced it has acquired from UC3 exclusive U.S. Spanish-language...
22/07/2026
The Rest Is Football, hosted by Gary Lineker, Alan Shearer, and Micah Richards, ...
22/07/2026
Sports Studio has announced a partnership with TheSoul Group to distribute Free ...
22/07/2026
Daktronics has concluded its 2026 High School Video Summit, a two-day hybrid event combining virtual sessions with hands-on host school visits across the countr...
22/07/2026
FOR-A America will exhibit at the MMCA Show in Pensacola, Florida (July 21-24), marking the company's first appearance at the house of worship AV event. FOR...
22/07/2026
The New York Yankees have selected Lumen Technologies (NYSE: LUMN) to connect Ya...
22/07/2026
Calrec will exhibit at IBC 2026 (Stand 8.C47) with demonstrations of its IP-native audio ecosystem built around the Argo console range, and will announce two ne...
22/07/2026
Solid State Logic has announced the appointment of Algam EKO as its distributor for SSL large format consoles in Italy, covering the Live, Broadcast, and Studio...
22/07/2026
FloSports has announced the launch of the FloSports Channel, a free ad-supported streaming channel premiering on Prime Video in the U.S. on July 21. The channel...
22/07/2026
Banana Ball TV (BTV), the broadcast operation of the Savannah Bananas, has insta...
22/07/2026
SiriusXM and Audacy have announced an agreement bringing 42 Audacy sports, news, and talk stations from 29 U.S. markets to SiriusXM. Twenty-three Audacy sports ...
22/07/2026
The collaboration produced more than 500 short-form videos across four cities th...
22/07/2026
At 2,600 sq. ft., the new home of digital content houses a main studio, podcast space, and an auxiliary control room
NFL franchises are accelerating their prod...
22/07/2026
Library now available in Engine Player
Another of Eduardo Tarilonte's popular sample libraries has just been moved over to Engine Audio's Engine Pla...
22/07/2026
All-in-one mic & DSP interface overhauled
Cloudvocal have just refreshed the design of their all-in-one mic, audio interface and DSP processor, introducing ...
22/07/2026
The final boss of the lost dual-op-amp circuit
Electro-Harmonix have just introduced the Deluxe Big Muff Pi 2, which they say offers their latest take on t...
22/07/2026
eds3_5_jq(document).ready(function($) { $(#eds_sliderM519).chameleonSlider_2_1({ content_source:......
22/07/2026
Share
Copy link
Facebook
X
Linkedin
Bluesky
Email...
22/07/2026
Share
Copy link
Facebook
X
Linkedin
Bluesky
Email...
22/07/2026
Proven managed IP solution helps broadcasters confidently navigate the future of broadcast distribution
LTN announces it has completed successful satellite-to-...
22/07/2026
Today, Chaos announced V-Ray 7, update 4, eliminating the need for asset conversions and tool switching, which slow down media and entertainment pipelines. Arti...
Save This Script, Episode 3 
