Prison Journalism: My Existence

Prison journalism: My ExistenceJeffrey Shockley is a writer serving a life sentence in the State Correctional Institution-Fayette in Pennsylvania.

by Jeffrey Shockley

19-07-2023 14:16

in Prison Journalism

Jeffrey Shockley is a writer serving a life sentence in the State Correctional Institution-Fayette in Pennsylvania.

Image by Unsplash

Here's the thing with serving a life sentence. One can become complacent, or what most don't want to say, comfortable. How can someone get comfortable in prison?

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I have become comfortable by living this life in honor of those I have hurt in the past, as well striving to live as normal an existence as one can here. Which can be possible even under institutional constraints.

I understand that I am in this place under such conditions because of myself, my actions got me here.

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THE TRANSFER After close to twenty years inside SCI-FA YEITE, I was asked if I would be interested in participating in a program for Veterans operated in another institution. If accepted it would mean transferring to another institution.

Being here for so long the first thought was a silent no! as I contemplated the myriad of things that I would have to do; what would change, just for starters. Emotions fired off in my brain and heart like a 4th of July fireworks display.

The prospect of moving to another institution after this long, I arrived here in 2004, SCI F A YEITE opened in mid to late 2003, prompted a number of questions. Some small, some big. Transferring to a new place after two decades in a single prison is scary, like moving from the neighborhood you grew up in to another you are not familiar with, and know nothing about. Or changing jobs to start a new career when you're much older.

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The process is that a vote sheet or recommendation sheet gets initiated by the Counselor and goes around the institution to Unit Manager's, the Deputy Superintendent's and Superintendent, the Psyche Department, for approval (support) or denial (rejection).

Before accepting the offer to participate and transfer, I called home to my family and expressed concerns about transferring, and different ones had different things to say about it. All of it was positive.

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I was advised by my uncle to look at it as a step up, a chance to reach a new demographic of the prison system. My spiritual Mom said it was another door opening from the great work I have done here reaching out to help others. It is a sign perhaps that I am a trusted individual.

My time here has given great opportunities to better myself academically, socially and spiritually. To leave would essentially be like starting to do time all over again. Or going from high school to college. Having to become familiar with new surroundings similar in an unfamiliar environment because not all of the prisons operate the same.

When you first arrive in prison one relies greatly on family and friends for financial support. After twenty years I can say I have a nice little nest egg saved. As I think about it, this could be preparation for getting out some day and returning to society.

The difference now is that I am able to support myself for the bare necessities until getting assigned a job. Have I saved enough in my time in prison to be prepared for independence? Like moving from one apartment to another, needing to have that first and last months' rent/ security deposit available plus three months' saved.

The hard part is admitting that when you have a life sentence you tend to not dwell on tomorrow because part of the thinking is you will die here. What do I need to save for? I don't have a mortgage, pay insurance or own a vehicle.

The point of saving is to show maturity and development, or as my grandmother would say, you need something to fall back on in case of an emergency. A responsible adult.

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I wondered if it would be beneficial for the other institution, how this would be beneficial to me? It is not a move that would get me closer to my home region of Philadelphia. In fact it is just a stone's throw from here; still in Western Pennsylvania.

When I asked the question, do you want to transfer, instantly I wondered what did I do wrong? Do you want me to leave? I would like to think that my time here has been productive, often asked to help in different areas of the institution. A model inmate if there ever was one.

The decision to transfer confirmed to my counselor, more thoughts filtered in as I looked around the cell and assessed the accumulation of property over these 20+ years

What will I have to get rid of? Being established here or having become complacent within my environs I have acquired some things. My television, desk top lamp, typewriter, and 11.4 quart wash bin used for hand washing my clothes, and various other odds and ends that fill the cell space with minimal room for a cellmate.

Starting over in a new institution I may not be able to keep all of my books; the boxes of writings and magazines I have been featured in. Letters and things from home that kind of exceed the number we are allowed to have.

The brown uniform/ clothing will stay here and the new institution will issue new prison browns. But I have tempered my browns to appear pressed by keeping them under my mattress to keep a neat and tidy appearance.

Also, I wonder if I will know anyone there. How will staff treat me? What will the cellmate be like, if I get one? I have had a few different cellmates over the years, guys who have left on parole or maxed their sentence out. Except for snoring, I am pretty good to get along with, actual

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